Online Love – An Academic Perspective (Sort Of)
September 30, 2009 at 8:14 pm
The first reading I did for my Cyberpsychology course was about online love and the unique nature of online relationships. I’ve found myself referring to it over the past 10 days, so it definitely needs to be added here for more accurate referencing!
The article is by Aaron Ben-Ze’ev and it’s called “Detattachment: The Unique Nature of Online Romantic Relationships”
Many of the things that make for a good offline relationship are reversed for an online one. The ultimate one, in my opinion, is that the goal of a successful online relationship is termination, ie. the relationship moves off the online, into the offline space. Or as in my case, into engagement to marriage! The goal of an offline relationship is certainly not termination.
Offline, the first things we go for are attractiveness, the ‘praiseworthiness’. Online, it’s the other way around. It’s the turn of phrase rather than the return of gaze that makes you fall for them at first. (And that’s my line! Or to cite it correctly, Lyons, 2009). We don’t ignore physical attractiveness online, but we certainly place less weight on it. But it must be noted that all the information about a person’s attractiveness are by self description, so it’s possible that there’s a high degree of wishful thinking going on!
While there’s nothing new about falling in love through letter writing (Gwinnell 1988), because of the speed of communications, you can send and receive a reply and be in the same emotional state. With online love, there may be a physical distance, but no time delay, therefore emotional immediacy. (In my experience, this means you can rapidly move to knowing someone online). The lack of visual content online may lead people to provide more self disclosure than they would in the flesh. This is quite common - the increased anonymity allows for a reduction in vulnerability, which increases intimacy and the perception of sincerity. (My thoughts – know that many people cruising dating sites are married, so while you’re getting all intimate and involved, be careful. Also please remember that everything you put out on the net can be found and traced right back to you… do continue…)
There is no physical investment online, but boy is there a big mental one. People get to enjoy the fruits of a close relationship without the costs – watch out ladies, this could mean that the man you’re talking to is a cheapskate who won’t shout dinner! To sum up, as Rheingold (2000) says, “face to face people fall in love based on what they see. Love is strengthened or weakened as fundamental information is revealed. Online, self disclosure is increased, intimacy is significantly higher and occurs early, most get to know each other first, then fall in love.” What’s bad with that? 
My Thoughts On Dating Sites – Online Love In Ireland
- While praiseworthiness over attractiveness holds, there is a lot to be said for putting your picture up online. I went for a while without my pic up and attracted a whole range of sad and sorry losers. Once I got over the fear that ‘someone who knows me might see me’ and put my picture up, it was like moving up beyond the swamps and into the clouds. The quality of communication increased and so did my enjoyment of the site.
- People who write for a living, or who have to express themselves do well in online dating sites. You might have the most sensitive caring man in Offaly mail you, but if he’s not got that witty repartee going on within the first couple of mails, he’s gone. Sad but true.
- At the same time, dating sites really suit the male dream of ‘shopping for f***ing’ – egos can be massaged by receiving many messages from interested women. For women, our tendency is to connect quicker, we form emotional bonds much quicker than men do online. Therefore, the nature of dating sites, sadly, is also a place for breaking hearts.
What do you think? What has been your experience on dating sites? By the way – one of the most annoying things about being a web person on Irish dating sites is having to interact with the most abhorent sites from the point of view of usability, design, and speed.
Tags: Online Dating Sites Ireland, online love
10 Years Old Today
September 25, 2009 at 12:59 pm
We’d like to wish happy birthday to Cora Barnes and the team at 3Q Catering. 3Q is 10 years in business today.
Cora Barnes is one of the whizziest dynamo women in business that I’ve ever known.
Whenever I hear about the new breed of entrepreneurs and how they’re making Ireland proud, it’s not the men in the grey suits that come to my mind, but Cora Barnes. She’s obviously doing something right as her business has grown from strength to strength and she’s recently added a new subsidary that specialises in medical. View Cora’s profile on LinkedIn. But work is not her only thing. Like any hero of mine, she’s got a whole lot more going on:
- Stylish to a tee.
- Fun. Always up for a laugh.
- Has the right mix of work life balance – oh she also runs a charity for Argentinian children in her spare time
- She’s young – set up her business when she was in her very early 20′s.
- She is extremely generous with her time. She mentors young business owners coming up, is an active Board member of many industry groups.
Happy birthday 3Q Catering. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do some work for you in that time. Here’s to another decade – onwards and upwards!
Tags: 3q catering, cora barnes
Brightspark Shortlisted for Web Awards
September 24, 2009 at 10:48 am
Delighted to see we’ve been shortlisted three times for two categories in the 2009 Irish Web Awards:
- Most Beautiful Website in Ireland – for our work on The Rose Project
- Most Accessible Website in Ireland – for our work on The Ability Awards and for The Rose Project.
My thanks to the judges who have deemed us worthy of getting this far. We’re in great company so I’m pretty pleased to make it to the shortlist.
Winners will be announced on 10 October.
Tags: Irish Web Awards 2009, Most Accessible Website in Ireland, most beautiful website in ireland
Great Value Training – Web Writing
September 24, 2009 at 8:00 am
From time to time I do training for the Europa Academy – yes the one that Bill Cullen resides in. They offer great value training courses, from excellent trainers (not just me!), in a lovely venue. The next training days I’m doing for them are in October.
Great value training days
Writing for the Web: 15 October | €195
Internet Marketing: 13 October | €195
Tags: internet marketing training, online copywriting, web writing training
iQ Says No To Dog Kennels
September 21, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I’m about to get a puppy. And I’ve secured a much loved dog kennel from a family who have no need for one anymore. Today I popped out to pick it up and the dog kennel will not fit into the boot. I would have said it’s a roomy boot in the iQ up to now, but now I have to rethink. And work out how to get a kennel shipped from one side of the city to the other.
But Porsche Says Yes to Iarfhlaith!
This is not pretend. This beauty belongs to the IIA Web Developer of the Year - Iarfhlaith Kelly. He’s obviously doing lots of things right if he’s got himself a porsche well before his 30th birthday. Well done. Much deserved. Now what are you going to aim for before your next birthday?
Tags: dog kennel, Porsche, Toyota IQ
Something for the Weekend
September 18, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Amazing projections on an old stately home. Found on the web via @ciaracrossan. This one’s for you Deirdre!
Wish We Had This When I Was In School
September 17, 2009 at 6:48 pm
But then, because the internet wasn’t invented yet, we didn’t!
The Clubhouse – a state of the art multi-media centre in the Liberties. It’s a place for kids to hang out after school and learn how to make games, ‘mess around on photoshop’ and do lots of other cool things online. 100 kids a week, aged between 10 and 18 come in and do games, animation, photography, and any technology.
The aim of the Clubhouse is to “help close the digital divide for a community that may not have the same kind of access to technology available elsewhere.”
Like the guy in the video, I believe that there should be one of these tacked on to every single school in Ireland.
Tags: Technology Education, The Clubhouse Dublin
Feeling Ranty? Then have your say here..
September 16, 2009 at 8:31 am
A great Irish ranty review site I’ve been meaning to share:
Whose View
From their own About Us page:
We won’t give you the boring line of “We are a social review based website etc etc……..”, because we are so much more than that. Rather we are a home for people who are not afraid to speak their mind; who like to say it as it is; who like to help others know when something is worth raving about and when it’s a complete rant. There are many sweakie clean review based websites out there, but are they really entertaining? We want to bring the celebrity and entertainment factor back into ranting and raving!
I especially like the way they are marketing this. Very effective use of social media tools. Here’s my experience so far. And remember folks I’m just one person. These guys are probably doing this hundred-fold:
- Whose View find Simple Assembly Me Hole and add it to their site as content
- I find their listing using Google Alerts
- Encouraged by clean design and my own personal penchant for sharing my opinion, I wrote a review of a restaurant
- Whose View contacted me to say thanks and offered me a voucher for €20 for anywhere
- I said thanks, I’d like a voucher for the Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield (best cinema in Dublin)
- They provide. Then come back a few days later on Twitter and suggest that perhaps I might like to review the cinema.
- I duly behave in the way that they want!
- Now they seem to be using Twitter as a search tool and tracking people who mention “Lighthouse Cinema”.
- They then contact them on Twitter with my review and ask them what they think.
A smart way of sourcing content, engaging me, and then using the content on Twitter to engage others.
They are also running a good blogger outreach programme, which they call ” a focus group with Twitter users, bloggers and members of the WhoseView site”. They invite key bloggers (not me!!) to take part in an exercise to figure out what the Best Pizza in Dublin is. The result, by the way, is Bianconi’s in Ranelagh. It’s a smart way of getting bloggers into a room, to engage with their site, pay them (with free pizza) and then sit back and wait for the links.
Keep your eye on the Whoseview blog. It’s well written and contains some interesting ideas about marketing.
Tags: rating sites, whoseview
Giant Fry Outside Window
September 15, 2009 at 7:21 am
Imagine the shock I got when I looked out the window and saw a gigantic massive Stephen Fry outside the window?
Tags: Joke
Greenhouse Incubator BizCamp | Oct 11
September 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I’ve just registered for the Greenhouse Biz Camp, taking place in Limerick on October 11th. It’s a free unconference event taking place on a Sunday, ideal for you if you’re stuck at work during the week and can’t make any of the other myriad help-you-get-started events that are taking place around the country.
In particular, this one is aimed at people who are self-employed, starting their own business or thinking about starting their own business.
What happens is that there’s a whole load of people who come along and give talks on what they have expertise about. It’s an ad hoc session, and it’s open to anyone to take part. That’s the unconference element to it – you can put yourself forward to give a talk, you don’t have to be invited.
So far there’s going to be speakers on:
- Digital Marketing
- Market Intelligence: “know your competitors”
- “Old Skool PR is dead”
- The ins & outs of intellectual property legislation
- Company registration, filings & compliance issues
- “How to profit through innovation”
- Patent applications & trademarks
- The legal implications of cloud computing
- Shareholder agreements, equity, share options etc.
I’m going to give a talk that case studies all the marketing activity that went into Simple Assembly Me Hole and will share what worked and what didn’t. I use these tools and techniques marketing for clients, but am not always able to share in gripping detail the results. Obviously if something really works well, a client doesn’t want me to blog about it because then their competitors will find out about it. And if something doesn’t go quite as I had expected, I’m not going to be jumping from the rooftops either!
There. Now I’ve committed to it. Therefore I will do it. See you in Limerick on 11 October.
